Why Neurotypical Therapy Strategies Don’t Always Work for Neurodivergent Kids
When working with children and adolescents in therapy, one of the most important things to remember is that not all brains work the same way—and that’s a beautiful thing. Many therapy models and coping strategies are built with a neurotypical framework in mind, assuming that children will process emotions, manage attention, and regulate themselves in predictable ways. But for neurodivergent kids—those with ADHD, autism, and other neurodevelopmental differences—these traditional approaches often fall short, and sometimes they can even do harm.
Why Neurotypical Strategies Can Be Harmful
Many neurodivergent kids struggle with therapy strategies that were designed for neurotypical individuals. They may be told to "just sit still and take deep breaths" when their bodies actually regulate better through movement. They may be encouraged to "just focus harder" when their brains aren’t wired to sustain attention in that way. They might be given rigid coping techniques that don’t align with their natural rhythms and ways of processing information. When these strategies don’t work for them, they often feel like they are the problem—that something is wrong with them because they can’t cope the way their neurotypical peers do.
Over time, this can damage self-esteem, reinforcing the message that they need to "fix" themselves rather than celebrating the incredible ways their brains function. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and a negative self-concept, particularly when they compare themselves to neurotypical kids who seem to be thriving under conventional strategies.
The Science Behind Neurodivergent Brains
Neurodivergent brains function differently at a chemical and neurological level. Here are some of the major differences:
Dopamine Regulation (ADHD): The ADHD brain has a unique relationship with dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation and reward. Neurotypical individuals get consistent dopamine release for routine tasks, while individuals with ADHD often require novelty, excitement, or a sense of urgency to engage.
Executive Functioning Differences (ADHD & Autism): Many neurodivergent kids struggle with executive function, which includes skills like organization, time management, impulse control, and emotional regulation. Traditional strategies that rely on rigid schedules or "just remembering to do it" often don’t work without external supports.
Attention Variability (ADHD & Autism): Attention works differently in neurodivergent brains. ADHDers often experience hyperfocus, where they become intensely immersed in an activity of interest but struggle with sustained attention on non-preferred tasks. Autistic individuals may focus deeply on special interests but struggle with joint attention in social settings.
Sensory Processing (Autism & ADHD): Sensory sensitivities are common in both ADHD and autism. Bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures can be overwhelming, making traditional therapy spaces and strategies ineffective unless accommodations are made.
Building Therapy Approaches That Work for Neurodivergent Kids
Instead of pushing neurotypical coping strategies, we need to tailor support systems that align with how neurodivergent brains actually function. Here are some approaches that can help:
Incorporating Movement: Many neurodivergent kids regulate best through movement. Walking sessions, fidget tools, and stimming (like rocking, hand-flapping, or humming) can be essential self-regulation tools rather than discouraged behaviors.
Interest-Based Coping Strategies: Instead of trying to impose coping techniques that feel unnatural, therapists can integrate a child’s special interests into their regulation strategies. If a child loves music, creating rhythm-based breathing exercises or using song lyrics to process emotions can be powerful.
Visual and External Supports: Executive function challenges can be mitigated with visual schedules, timers, checklists, and reminders. These tools externalize organization, making it easier for neurodivergent kids to stay on track.
Parallel Play & Connection Strategies: For autistic children who struggle with traditional social interactions, parallel play (where they engage in the same activity alongside a peer or therapist without forced conversation) can help build trust and connection.
Alternative Attention Management Tools (for ADHD): Strategies like the Pomodoro Technique (short bursts of focus with breaks), body doubling (working alongside another person), or gamifying tasks can make focusing easier.
Self-Compassion and Strength-Based Reframing: Neurodivergent kids often feel like they are constantly falling short. Therapy should focus on helping them recognize their strengths—creativity, unique problem-solving skills, passion-driven focus, and deep empathy—rather than just trying to "fix" challenges.
The Superpowers of Neurodivergence
Neurodivergent kids bring so much to the world. ADHDers are innovative, quick-thinking, and passionate when they find something they love. Autistic individuals bring deep focus, pattern recognition, and creative problem-solving to the table. When we stop forcing neurodivergent kids to fit into neurotypical molds, they thrive. They build confidence, develop self-acceptance, and grow into remarkable individuals with so much to offer the world.
Looking for Support?
If your child is struggling with traditional therapy or coping strategies that just don’t seem to fit, I can help. I work regularly with neurodivergent individuals through both music therapy and psychotherapy, tailoring approaches to meet their unique needs. If you’re interested in exploring support that actually works for your child’s brain, please reach out—I would love to help your child thrive.